Hypergamy in women is an important topic for men who want to get better at dealing with women, but it’s also important for women who want to understand their own feelings and behavior and the feelings and behavior of other women around them. In its most basic form, hypergamy dictates that women are sexually attracted to men who are better than them and are sexually repulsed by men who are worse than them.
What’s Better or Worse?
Immediately, this gets into the topic of what really means better and what really means worse, but if you think of it as a general concept instead of trying to pin it down as something super specific, it’s much easier to use. For example, it’s been more than established that women tend to prefer men who are taller than them, older than them and make more money than them. They actively look down on men who are shorter, younger or make less money than them. While neither of these three are a death sentence to a relationship or seduction in general, it will definitely reflect an obstacle that has to be overcome.
The Relationship to Alpha and Beta
In What Alpha and Beta Really Mean, we talked about how masculine traits are what we identify as alpha, and beta traits are what we identify as beta. Generally speaking, you need to be more masculine than she is in the relationship. That doesn’t mean smacking her across the head just because you feel like it or something stupid like that. Instead, it means showing leadership and being someone she wants to follow just because you’re better than her.
The Alpha/Beta Values and the Gap
If we’re thinking a little abstractly, suppose a man is an 6, and a woman is a 5. He’s better than her, and she’s going to love that, but he’s not so much better than her that she doesn’t feel like she has a chance. You can sort of think of his score as being the amount of alpha he has going on, and you can sort of think of her score as how good-looking she is, combined with a few other things like her age, disposition and miscellaneous factors.
Now, suppose he’s an 8 instead, and she’s a 5. There’s a larger gap there, and it’s important to realize that the larger this gap is, the more insecure she’s going to be in the relationship or courting/seduction process. The larger the gap, the more beta you have to present to keep her feeling comfortable enough to not run for the hills for a safer option.
This introduces two important ideas:
- You can be too alpha (attractive) and drive a woman off if you don’t provide enough beta (comfort).
- Your job as a guy in a relationship is to be cooler than the woman, but make her feel like she doesn’t have to feel super insecure about it.
It’s a really easy idea to understand and apply once you accept it, and it’s ridiculously effective at keeping a relationship going smoothly.
Back to Hypergamy
So what all of this means is that a man has to be better than the woman he’s trying to have some kind of relationship with (even if it’s just banging her and leaving). However, the man can’t be so much better than her that it makes her insecure about her ability to keep him, because then she’ll leave him over how insecure and emotionally unsatisfied it leaves her (ie: not enough beta).
With that having been said, you hear situations all the time of a man feeling stuck in a marriage with a woman who isn’t interested in sex with him, and she’ll often go and cheat on him in this type of situation (proving that she’s still interested in sex, just not with her husband). The bottom line is that there’s not enough alpha being expressed, so she thinks that she’s better than the dude, and there’s simply nothing going to happen in terms of her being attracted or being really into sex until that’s corrected.